The Note
by NCISbinge
Summary: Tony notices Ziva's different behaviour. When he tries to find out what's wrong, he discovers something far worse than he expected...
1. The Note

**The Note**

 _Cloudy and grey skies, instead of sunshine..._

 _-Bitter and Blue, Michael Weatherly_

* * *

 **This is probably out of character, but I feel like it could potentially be a thing. I mean, she's been to hell and back - let's be real.**

 **Setting: It's probably around season 7/8 maybe. I'm not quite sure, I didn't really have anything in mind when writing it.**

* * *

 _To whomever,_

 _My life has not been easy. Through all I have been put through; the extreme training, the torturing of others, the missions I wasn't suppose to come back from - I survived them all. I escaped with a few scratches and maybe a couple of bruises. But, it comes to life now. I am no longer controlled by my father. I have many people who love me. I have a job that I love. Yet, I feel like I can no longer go on. I feel like this is the end. I'm not sure whether I have just reached the point in my life where everything is taking its toll, or whether I'm just no longer sane. But this is my end. Should anybody find this, please give it the MCRT at NCIS._

 _And I suppose this part should be to those at NCIS - Gibbs, Tony, McGee, Abby, Ducky, Palmer. You are all incredible people, and I'll never forget anything you've each taught me. I cherish the time that I have spent with each of you and I'm so glad I got the honour of meeting you all. Please do not mourn for me. This is for the best. I wish you all the best in life._

 _I suppose this is goodbye..._

 _Ziva David._

 _21_ _st_ _August - 4.36pm._

* * *

DiNozzo was sat his desk, finishing up the last of his reports. All he could think about was Ziva's behaviour recently. She just wasn't her usual self. She didn't respond to his teasing, she hadn't threatened to kill anyone, she kept turning down people's invites to hang out and she'd barely spoke a word all week. It was upsetting him that there was something wrong with his partner.

He typed up the last word of his report, printed it, signed it then filed it away. He decided he would stop by a little 24 hour bakery he knew to get her a cupcake or something, then head to her apartment to find out what was wrong. Tony picked up his gear and headed down to the car park.

An elevator ride later, he paced over to his car and headed to the bakery. After some Ziva-like driving, he arrived at his location.

"Hey, Valerie!" DiNozzo smiled to the older woman. She'd opened the business up a few years back and he was her favourite regular.

"Tony! How are you, my boy?" Valerie walked round the other side of the counter and hugged Tony.

"I'm pretty good thanks, how about you?" He smiled his famous grin at her.

"A lot better now I've seen that smile of yours." She winked as she walked back round the other side of the counter. "What can I get you?" She started folding the box she always put her cupcakes in. Tony looked at the huge selection of cakes. He rubbed his chin, trying to think of which Ziva would like best.

"Can I get one of those," he pointed to a chocolate cupcake covered in rainbow sprinkles, "and I'll have a red velvet one for myself please." He grabbed his wallet from his back pocket. Valerie proceeded to get the cupcakes and place them in the box.

"That'll be $2, my darling." DiNozzo handed her $5 and grabbed the box off the counter.

"Keep the change." DiNozzo winked and headed for the door.

"Oh, you do spoil me." Valerie quipped sarcastically. "See you next week."

"Will do." DiNozzo waved and made his way to his car to go to Ziva's.

* * *

DiNozzo balanced the cake box in one hand and knocked on Ziva's door with his other. When she didn't answer, Tony got slightly concerned. He placed the box on the floor for a moment as he got his bundle of keys from his pocket and found the one to Ziva's apartment. He picked the box back up and opened the door slowly. The apartment was dark.

"Ziva?" DiNozzo called out, still stood with the door open. When no one answered, he checked all of the rooms but she was nowhere to be found. Just as he was about to leave, he noticed an envelope on her coffee table. He walked over and noticed 'To NCIS' was written on the front. Fear shot through his body as he opened it up. After a couple of minutes of reading, he felt his heart drop at the contents of the letter. Ziva. Was. Going. To. End. Her. Life.

"Shit." Tony shouted to himself. "Oh fuck..." He continued cursing into the silence. He frantically grabbed his phone out of his pocket but paused as he decided how to handle this situation. He picked up the letter again and re-read it. The second time around he noticed the date and time that she'd signed at the end. That was today. Only a couple of hours ago. He scrolled through his contacts and dialled a number. The phone rang out or a few seconds.

"McGee, I _really_ need your help. Straight away!" Tony yelled into the phone, his breathing ragged.

* * *

 **This is going to consist of two parts, purely because I didn't want it to be super long. I haven't really thought of what I'm going to write next, so if you have anything you want me to include just let me know! Thanks for reading! A review would be great!**


	2. City Lights

**City Lights**

 _Rage and love, the story of my life..._

 _-Are We The Waiting, Green Day_

* * *

 **I really wanted to capture the emotion in this chapter, but I think I've failed haha. I know what suicidal thoughts are like so that's why I'm really trying hard to portray it in this. However, I'm definitely failing haha. If you're going through anything difficult atm or anything - send me a message. I'd love to try and help!**

* * *

"Is everything ok?" McGee asked in worry.

"MCGEE, WILL YOU JUST TRACE IT!?" Tony yelled down the phone in panic. He heard the click of keys as he waited anxiously for a reply.

"According to the trace, she's in her apartment building." McGee provided, feeling his heart rate speed up at the thoughts of what could be wrong. Tony hung up, making McGee feel even worse.

Tony scrolled back through his contacts and dialled Ziva's number. He _really_ hoped she would answer. The phone rang out for a few seconds, and to Tony's relief and surprise, she picked up.

"Hello." She spoke so quietly that Tony could barely hear.

"I'm at your apartment. I found your letter. I know you're in the building. Where are you?" Three facts followed by a question. It was a scenario DiNozzo had never thought he'd find himself experiencing.

"I'm on the roof. Please do not try and save me." Ziva's voice sounded so flat and hopeless.

"Ziva, please don't do this. I'm going to come up and we can talk about this." DiNozzo had only just finished his sentence when she shot in with her reply.

"No, do not come up." She hoped he would respect this plea.

"Ziva. You expect me to stand outside of your apartment, knowing you're trying to end your life and not do anything about it?" He couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"Ziva?" When she didn't answer, he felt his heart nearly stop.

"I feel mentally exhausted, yet I'm going out of my mind. I feel hopeless, I can't be around people, I don't enjoy anything anymore. I can't go on feeling this way; feeling this emptiness and this pit of depression in my heart and chest." Ziva blurted out, barely taking a breath and pouring every ounce of emotion she had left into each word. DiNozzo felt his heart break at the fact she felt that way. That she felt like she couldn't turn to any of them and that she had to suffer alone.

* * *

McGee sat his desk, feeling his heart beat _way_ faster than it should. Part of him wanted to do nothing about the phone call he just received, but the other part told him Gibbs needed to know.

At that exact moment, Gibbs got out of the lift and strode into the bullpen and over to his desk. He set his cup of coffee down and glanced at the desk opposite. McGee looked pale and worried.

"Something bothering you?" Gibbs spoke up.

"Tony just called. He sounded pretty panicked. Asked me to trace Ziva's phone."

Just as Gibbs was about to ask questions, he heard McGee's phone go off. McGee looked down at the text from Tony.

 _Code Noire._

They'd made this code up after Somalia. Him, Tony and Abby had discussed a code they could use if they thought Ziva wasn't doing too well. She'd already been through so much already, but after Somalia, they thought she was ready to just crash and burn. They'd tried their hardest to help her out and encouraged her to speak to a professional but she insisted she didn't need any of it.

When McGee's brain put itself into gear and realised what this meant, he felt the colour drain from his face.

"It's Code Noire, Boss." McGee spoke, feeling as if the world around him had stopped.

"Code _what_ , McGee?" Gibbs stood and walked to Tim's desk. McGee shook his head to break himself out of his trance.

"Tony, Abby and me made it up after Somalia happened. It's so we would know if something bad was happening with Ziva, like if she was in a bad place in her mind." McGee explained to Gibbs.

"Is that what the text was?" Gibbs questioned as he walked round to his desk, grabbing his gun and badge.

"Yeah, it was Tony." McGee couldn't bring himself to move.

"Right, we're heading over there." Gibbs ordered but McGee finally moved, standing up and grabbing Gibbs' arm.

"No, we can't. It'll make things worse." Just as McGee was about to explain, Abby came running in.

"MCGEE, CODE NOIRE!" She yelled, shaking McGee.

"I know, I got the text too." Tim's voice sounded so drained.

"Are you going there now?" Abby directed her question to Gibbs.

"Yeah, McGee thinks it'll make things worse though." Gibbs shared the insight.

"You should know it will. Ziva doesn't like to be around people when she feels bad." Gibbs thought to the many occasions Ziva hadn't been herself. She kept quite and avoided everyone if she could.

"You got a better plan?" Gibbs offered the chance for someone else's input. Everyone looked as if they were thinking of something that could work.

"I've got it!" Abby blurted out.

* * *

"Why didn't you tell one of us?" DiNozzo's voice sounded full of hurt.

"They are my problems, you do not deserve to have solve them." Ziva's voice remained quite.

"Ziva, please. When I said I couldn't live without you, I meant _every_ word of it. Why give up now? You've pushed past everything life has thrown at you, you've come so far. This isn't the answer, even if it seems like it. I know how you're feeling. Maybe not on the same level as you, but I've been in your situation. There's been times that I haven't wanted to live."

"There has?" Ziva was surprised.

"Yeah." He took a breathe and decided to open up to Ziva. He felt as if it might help her.

"When I worked for Baltimore PD, it was great at first. I loved every part of it. But then a couple of months went by, and I was fed up. I felt like nothing I was doing was making a difference. The other guys used to give me crap all the time and I just felt like I had no future. One night, I went back to my crappy little apartment after a terrible day at work. I sat down on the couch and just stared into the darkness. I felt like there was nothing keeping me alive. I had a couple of beers, got a bit drunk. I walked into my bathroom and got some painkillers from the cabinet above the sink. I was just about to take more than you're suppose to when my phone rang. I was being called in to work on a new case. I told my sergeant that I'd had a few. Then I realised that people depended on me. I realised I was ending my own misery but what about the people that my job was about? The people who get burgled, the families of those who's loved ones get killed or murdered. And that night, I went to sleep and promised myself that I'd work as hard as I could for the rest of my life – no matter what was thrown at me." Tony sighed, remembering as if it was just the other day. He realised it was definitely a turning point in his life, and he was glad that he got that call. Ziva didn't answer, so he carried on speaking.

"Ziva, I _know_ how you're feeling. It's horrible and it feels like there's no escape from it - I completely understand. What you need to realise though, is that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. You can get the help you need and deserve! You know that! Why are you resorting to this? _Please_ , let me help you."

* * *

 **At the end of the last chapter I said this would be two parts but now it's definitely going to be three, maybe four.**

 **I apologise for leaving it on a bit of a tense moment!**


	3. Some Wounds Never Heal

**Some Wounds Never Heal**

 _When you're at the end of the road..._

 _-21 Guns, Green Day_

* * *

 **To the guest reviewers,**

 **UghEllen \- Thank you! I can't stand fanfic's that don't use the correct grammar haha!**

 **Guest \- Thank you so much!**

 **Sue Dooley \- YES! TIVA FOREVER! Thank you! **

**I really liked writing this chapter, so I hope enjoy!**

* * *

McGee, Abby, Gibbs, Palmer and Ducky were gathered in the bullpen going over their plan.

"Right, first we need to figure out why it's a Code Noire situation." Abby started off, looking over to Tim to carry on.

"Then we wait until Tony's tried to help her or whatever he's doing right now. We need to be prepared for the worst. This code covers _a lot_." McGee explained.

"Then we wait in the lobby of her apartment complex and prove to her that we're always going to be there for her." Gibbs repeated what Abby had suggested as their plan earlier.

"I shall give my dear friend Maria a call and arrange an appointment for sessions of therapy. She's well experienced in the areas of trauma that our Ziva has suffered." Ducky chipped in to the plan.

"Uhh...I can...maybe...I think I'll just buy her some nice things for her apartment. It might make her feel more...grounded?" Everyone looked to Palmer, shocked that he'd contributed something helpful.

"That's a great idea, Jimmy." Abby smiled at him, and he smiled back.

* * *

"I didn't know you'd nearly ended your life." Ziva finally answered.

"Yeah, well it's not exactly something you tell people." DiNozzo replied with a nervous laugh.

"I thought I had everything under control, but over the past few weeks things have just been getting worse." Ziva admitted.

"You could've talked to me, Ziva." Tony let out a sigh, annoyed with himself.

"I didn't know what to say..." She trailed off.

"Anything! Anything at all, because look where we are now. You're on a roof and I'm outside your apartment trying to talk you out of ending your life..." DiNozzo trailed off as he realised how fucked up this all was. He should've made her speak to him. He'd realised that she didn't seem herself, but didn't think to do anything about it until today.

"You know how it feels to tell someone that you're losing your mind. It's not something that comes out easily." DiNozzo had been in the same situation before.

"Yeah, but it's _me_. I would've sat and waited until you were ready to talk. I would've listened and tried to help you. I'm supposed to have your six, and I'm doing a shitty job at that." DiNozzo explained, a hint of frustration in his tone.

"You always have my six, don't _ever_ think you do at bad job at that. I wouldn't want anybody else watching my back." Ziva almost snapped at him. She wasn't going to let him think so badly about himself. Just as Tony was about to answer, he got a call on the other line.

"Ziva, I have another call. I'm going to ring you back straight away, ok? Please just wait for my call."

"Okay." Ziva replied, her voice sounding like she had no hope.

"You promise?" It took a few seconds for her to answer.

"Yes, I promise." DiNozzo hung up, not wanting her to hear the other phone call. He looked at the caller ID, seeing it was McGee.

"It's bad, Tim."

"What's wrong?!" McGee put the phone on speaker so everyone could hear.

"I came to Ziva's apartment to try and cheer her up but when I got here she wasn't in. I used my spare key to check if everything was alright. Just as I was about to leave, I found a letter." Tony paused. The whole team looked at each other, guessing what kind of letter it would be. "It was a suicide note." Tony heard the gasps on the other end of the line. "I noticed it had a time at the bottom. I rang her phone and she answered. I've been trying to talk some sense into her ever since." DiNozzo briefed the team.

"Where is she now?" Gibbs questioned.

"She's on the roof, but she won't let me go up there." Tony rubbed his face.

"We have a plan, Tony." McGee announced. He looked over to Abby for her to explain.

"Well, now we know exactly what's happening we can arrange around it. We're going to come and wait in the lobby of the building, when you come down we all just hug her and make her feel as loved as possible. Ducky's got a friend who's a therapist, she can help Ziva with what she's going through. Palmer's going to get loads of nice things for her apartment so she feels more like she belongs somewhere." Abby took a breathe – finally. DiNozzo smiled.

"That sounds like a great plan. I've hung up on Ziva, so I'm going to call her back. Hopefully she'll listen to me, and I'll bring her down."

"Alright. You can do this, DiNozzo!" McGee encouraged him. DiNozzo hung up and re-dialled Ziva's number. She picked up pretty much straight away.

"See, I answered." Ziva smiled, but only very slightly.

"I'm so glad you did. You know, I'm hoping this turns out like the end of 'The Perks of Being a Wallflower'. The main character, Charlie, tries to kill himself because of some bad things that happened in the past. He rings his sister because he's losing his mind and she knows exactly what's going on and calls the police. Things get sorted. _Obviously_ , this is a bit different. I mean, you tick the box for 'bad stuff happening in the past' and 'losing your mind'. But I'm going to be his sister, Candace, and I'm going to save you." Typically he had to use a movie reference, but Ziva could hear the ambition in his voice.

* * *

 **Once again, I'm sorry for the sort of cliffhanger ending.**

 **Thank you so much for the reviews!**


	4. Unfavourable Thoughts

**Unfavourable Thoughts**

 _It shows where your mind has gone..._

 _-Guns For Hands, Twenty One Pilots_

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 **I've decided there's going to be six chapters to this story so I hope you're enjoying so far! I quite liked this chapter!**

 **Sue Dooley \- Thank you! TIVA FOREVER! **

**YaleAceBella12 \- THANK YOU! That means a lot!**

 **DS2010 \- Of course they have a plan! It's only normal for them haha! **

* * *

"What am I going to do? Everyone's going to think I'm crazy when they find out, they'll never look at me the same again." Ziva started crying slightly.

"Ziva, people _will not_ think you're crazy. If anything, they'll think how god damn strong you are for holding on this long. Forget about that for now, focus on working with me to solve this."

"This has happened before..." Ziva confessed. "There's been so many times when all I could think about was dying."

"I'm _so_ sorry, Ziva. I really am. I wish you didn't have to go through this. _Please_ come down, I want to help you. I need my partner back." DiNozzo pleaded with her.

"Can I stay with you?" Ziva asked, a hint of hope in her tone. It took DiNozzo a few seconds to answer because he was trying to get over the fact that she was finally agreeing to come down.

"Of course you can! Are you going to come down now?" DiNozzo questioned.

"I think so. I'll see you shortly." Tony hung up straight away and texted Abby.

 _She's coming down to me, we'll be there shortly._

* * *

Gibbs was speeding to Ziva's apartment complex with the rest of the team in the car. Abby's phone beeped and everyone looked at her, waiting for her to read it to them.

"It's Tony, he said she's coming down!" A chorus of sighs were breathed out in relief.

"Tell him we'll be there in a few seconds." Gibbs directed as he drove even faster.

 _We'll be waiting._

A few moments later, the team quickly got out of the car and headed into the building.

"Right, when they come out of the lift, don't say anything. Just hug her, and we'll go from there." Abby ordered.

* * *

DiNozzo locked Ziva's apartment and nervously walked to the door at the end of the hallway to some stairs which led to the roof. He took a deep breath. The road to recovery wouldn't be easy, but he was willing to be there for her the whole way. He looked and saw Ziva. He realised how fragile she looked as her eyes were fixed on the floor.

She locked eyes with him for a second then hugged him as tight as she could. He wrapped his arms around her, trying to warm her up in the process.

"I'm sorry." She whispered, her head still buried in his chest.

"No, I'm sorry. I should've spoken to you sooner. Everything's going to be ok, I'm going to make sure of that." He kissed the top of her head. She squeezed him tighter.

He guided her towards the lift, her arm wrapped around his waist the whole journey down. The door opened to McGee, Abby, Gibbs, Palmer and Ducky all looking sympathetic. Tony stepped forward out of the lift and felt the reluctance from Ziva. After a second or two, she stepped forward. Everyone was silent but then all gathered around and embraced Ziva. After a few heart-warming moments, they gave her a bit of space. Nobody knew what to say until, surprisingly, McGee spoke up.

"Ziva, we need you to know that this doesn't make a difference to _anything_. We still think you're incredible and we still love you. We're all family here and we're going to help you in every way possible. Please don't be scared to talk to any of us. You always do a great job of being there for us and now it's our turn." McGee smiled softly. Ziva walked to McGee and hugged him tight. She didn't have the energy to speak right now.

"Shall we head to mine and get you settled down?" DiNozzo asked. Ziva nodded and walked back to him, wrapping her arm around his waist again. He figured she felt a bit safer by doing it. They all headed out of the building and to their cars.

Tony opened the passenger door for Ziva then walked over to speak to the team.

"Good job, DiNozzo." Gibbs patted him on the shoulder. Tony smiled shyly.

"What's the plan from here then?" DiNozzo asked.

"I suppose we'll just individually come to your place and say or discuss what we need to." Abby planned out.

"Sounds like a good idea." McGee praised the idea. Everyone nodded in agreement.

"Right, I'll see you in a bit." Just as Tony was going to walk off, he turned back round. "We're going sort this out. She's never going to resort to this again." DiNozzo stated, his tone full of ambition.

"Damn right!" Gibbs replied as they all got into the car. Tony walked back over to his and started the car. He didn't say anything but patted Ziva's thigh, smiled at her, then drove off.

* * *

DiNozzo turned the key and swung the door open. He gestured for Ziva to walk in and followed behind her.

"Make yourself at home." DiNozzo said casually as he threw his keys and wallet on the side. He looked over to Ziva. She looked lost, like she didn't know what to do. He walked over to her and hugged her.

"What do I have to say to make you believe me that we're going to get you through this?" Tony queried.

"Tell me that we're going to watch a movie every night, that we'll laugh about the things we used to, that we'll still argue stupidly all the time." She paused for a moment to hold back the tears. "Tell me that things are going to be normal again and I won't have these thoughts anymore." She started crying into his chest. He rubbed her back and tried to calm her down.

"Everything will be back to normal in a few days, don't worry. Ducky has a plan so I'm sure the thoughts will go away, and if they don't, then you come straight to me. I want you to promise me that." He pulled back from the hug, his hands around her waist still. He looked her right in the eyes. Those eyes that made him feel all sorts of things.

"I promise." She managed to hold back the tears so she could answer.

"Everyone's going to be coming around shortly, but not all at once. Then we can go to sleep and forget that any of this ever happened, alright?" DiNozzo smiled.

"You told me you couldn't live without me, but the truth is, I don't know what I'd do without you in my life." She smiled weakly at him which he returned with the one and only 'DiNozzo grin'!

* * *

 **I hope you enjoyed reading and I hope you're all doing well!**


	5. Words of Care

**Words of Care**

 _You'll never know if you don't go..._

 _-All Star, Smash Mouth_

* * *

 **I'm enjoying writing this so much! A HUGE thank you for all the kind reviews, they've made me so happy! I know some of this chapter may be OOC, but like I always say, it's fiction after all. I like it when the team open up to each other and this chapter's full of that. As well, if you ever need someone to talk to, you can always message me! I'd love to try and help!**

 **ENJOY, MY LOVELIES!**

* * *

Ziva was sat at the kitchen table staring at her cup of tea. DiNozzo walked behind her and rubbed her back to try and soothe her a bit. Just as he was about to speak, there was a knock at the door.

"That'll be Ducky." DiNozzo paced over to the door and opened it.

"Good evening, Anthony." Ducky smiled as he walked in.

"Hey Duck. You alright?" DiNozzo pointed to the kitchen area.

"Quite alright, thank you for asking." He walked over and joined Ziva at the table.

"I'll give you two some time. I'll be in the bedroom if you need anything." DiNozzo shot off.

"Hello Ducky." Ziva managed to greet. He placed his hand on top of hers.

"How are you, my dear?" Ziva looked up from her hands as if to say 'what do you think?'. He laughed at his silly question and decided to phrase it differently. "I take it you're feeling slightly better than you were?" She nodded un-enthusiastically and Ducky took it as sign to carry on speaking.

"I would strongly recommend talking to a psychiatrist." Ziva was about to object as soon as it was said, but Ducky held up his hand to stop her from saying anything. "She's a good friend of mine and is unlike any other. I know you've avoided talking to psychiatrist in the past, but I _really_ think you will benefit from it. I've explained to her what's happened and she's obviously been very understanding of it. There's nothing to fear, my dear." Ducky looked her in the eyes and smiled his delightful smile. Ziva contemplated the suggestion for a few moments.

"If you think it will help, then I shall give it a go. I appreciate the effort you've gone through, Ducky." She smiled weakly at him.

"Then my work here is done. If you ever want to talk over a cup of tea, then you always know where I am. Please don't hesitate to reach out if you need to." Ducky patted her hand and got up. She stood up and thanked him while she hugged him. He grabbed his bag and left the apartment. The rest of the team were parked outside in the car, each waiting their turn to talk to her. When Tony heard the door shut, he came out of his room.

"Everything go alright?" He smiled sympathetically.

"Yes, thank you. I'm going to speak to a psychiatrist." Ziva went back to staring at her cup.

"That's great! I'm glad you're taking that step. I'm proud of you." DiNozzo walked over and hugged her briefly before hearing a knock at the door again. He walked over and opened it. Gibbs simply nodded at Tony who pointed his eyes to the kitchen, indicating that's where Ziva was. He went back to his bedroom so they could talk.

"Ziva." Gibbs greeted plainly.

"Hello, Gibbs." Ziva didn't look up at all.

"You're a damn good agent and a great person. To know what you've been put through and still see you fighting on every day, it makes me proud. You know that you're like a daughter to me, and when I found out what was going on, it broke my heart. Yeah, you heard that right, I _do_ have a heart and feelings. I'm not good at talking about things, but I know if you'd gone ahead with your plan tonight, that it would've broke me. I wouldn't want anybody to have to resort to that, _especially you_. It sounds hypocritical coming from me, but, talk to people if you're not feeling good. They won't think any less of you just because you're struggling. They'll want to help." Gibbs looked at Ziva for a few moments before patting her arm and getting up to leave. He decided it was best if he let what he'd said sink in. As Gibbs opened the door, Abby was waiting on the other side. Gibbs smiled briefly then let her go in before continuing out.

"Hey." Abby said with an unusually flat tone. Ziva looked up.

"Hello, Abby." Ziva's voice sounded just as flat, but this was no surprise.

"You're probably getting bored of everyone coming and speaking to you, so I won't say much. I just wanted to let you know that you're my best friend, and always will be. I can totally understand why you didn't want to speak to anyone about what was going through your mind, but please don't think you have to suffer in silence. If you ever feel upset or depressed or angry or whatever feeling, talk to me about it! We can drink wine and watch films and gossip. Just anything to take your mind off whatever it's thinking." Abby smiled softly and Ziva's mouth broke into a small smile.

"Thank you, Abby. I wouldn't want anybody else as my best friend." She held out her arms and Abby stood up and hugged her.

"Bye, Ziva. Take some time to focus on yourself." Abby suggested as she walked out the door.

Ziva sighed to try and hold back the tears. She held her head in her hands as she took a deep breath to try and calm down. Through everybody speaking to her, she'd realised something. She'd realised that what she'd resorted to was selfish. There were people who loved her – lots of them. They were always there for her when she needed them,they made her laugh, they made her life worth living and they made her want to go to work each day just so she could be with them. She thought to if she had ended her life tonight and how it would affect her friends - no - _family_. A tear escaped but the rest were held back as McGee knocked then entered, walking over to Ziva.

"Three down, two to go." McGee chuckled un-enthusiastically. "I bet you're fed up of hearing the same kind of thing. I'll try and make mine a bit different." Ziva looked up and gave Tim a half smile.

"I always knew that you'd have some sort of impact on my life. When you joined our team, I hated how everybody acted towards you. I could understand why, but it wasn't fair. But within such a short time of being part of our team, you really proved yourself. You showed us how considerate you were, how funny you could be, how easily you could adapt to any situation, and definitely how you can majorly kick ass." McGee laughed, thinking back to all the times Ziva had proven the bad guys wrong. "What I'm trying to say is; I'm really glad that you're in my life. I don't know what I'd do if I didn't see you everyday flirting with DiNozzo or gossiping with Abby, or just being you. I'm not going to say 'I'm here for you' or 'talk to me', because you already know that and have probably heard it too much tonight, but I'm going to say that a part of my life would be missing if you weren't in it." Tim saw a single tear roll down her cheek, and took it as a cue to leave.

"Look after yourself, Ziva." Tim said as he opened the door and left. Within a few seconds, the door opened again and Jimmy appeared. He nervously walked over to Ziva and sat at the table. It was quiet for a few moments before Palmer decided to speak.

"I've never really told you this before, but I think now would be a good time. I really admire you, Ziva. I admire how you put up with the teasing from Tony and how you care for everybody on your team and always put everyone else first. I remember when I found out you went back into that warehouse to disable the bomb. Not many people would do that. You're different and I really like that. We need more Ziva David's in this world. But you're one of a kind, and always will be. I know I'm not much use, but I'd love to listen if you have any problems you need to talk about. You're probably really tired so I'll leave you to get some rest." Palmer paused for a second then hugged Ziva momentarily before leaving. The tears started pouring down Ziva's cheeks as everything the team had said really hit her hard.

"In a few weeks, you won't believe any of this ever happened." DiNozzo stated as he hugged Ziva, letting her cry into his chest. "Get some sleep. You're going to need it for the road to recovery." He guided her to his bedroom. "But don't worry, I'm going to be next to you through the whole of it. I promise." DiNozzo kissed her cheek as he tucked her in and said goodnight.

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 **I really hope you enjoyed reading this chapter, leave a review to let me know what you think! Once again, thank you so much to everyone who's reviewed so far! And if you've favourited or followed the story!**


	6. Onwards & Upwards

**Onwards & Upwards**

 _Will they be alive tomorrow?_

 _-Lane Boy, Twenty One Pilots_

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 **The last chapter is finally here! I really hope you've enjoyed reading it and thank you so much to everybody who reviewed, favourited and followed! I was going to end this chapter like I have, but it came to me last minute, so I hope you enjoy it! ;)**

* * *

 _A few weeks later..._

"Good morning." Ziva greeted cheerily as she entered the bullpen.

"Hey, Ziva." McGee looked up briefly to see Ziva smiling at nothing in particular.

DiNozzo and McGee glanced at each other with a knowing look. For the past week, Ziva had been extremely happy and in a great mood. She'd been attending the psychiatrist appointments that Ducky had arranged, and it really seemed to be helping. She'd shared with Tony how she'd learnt to handle her thoughts and use the coping methods she'd been taught.

"Hey, feeling good again?" Tony smiled admiringly at Ziva.

"Yes! That's seven days in a row now. Isn't that great?" Ziva started typing away on her computer.

"It's more than great, it's brilliant. Back to normal and it's only been a couple of weeks! The recovery of a kick ass, Israeli ninja must be a lot faster than the average person." Tony winked at Ziva and she blushed slightly.

"It seems that way." Gibbs commented as he walked into the bullpen and over to his desk.

"While you're all here, I'd like to invite you to mine for dinner." Ziva waited anxiously for their replies.

"Sounds great!" McGee replied with a smile.

"I'll be there." Gibbs was next to answer.

"I'd love to." DiNozzo winked at Ziva, causing her to smile.

"Great! I'll go and ask Ducky and Palmer. Abby's already said she's coming." Ziva rushed off to the lift grinning. DiNozzo watched until she got in the lift so she wouldn't hear what he was going to say.

"I'm so glad she's happy. I've never been so relived to see someone smile before. I mean, I knew Ziva was unhappy, but to take her own life? Did any of us see that coming? You just think back to everything you missed and everything you could've done and end up blaming yourself more and more by the second. I knew she wasn't being herself and look how long I waited to say something. If it had been a day later, she would've been gone. Can you believe that? Do you think it was fate? I don't believe in fate but how could that have happened otherwise? I still can't believe she agreed to speaking to a therapist. She avoided it for so long, as if she was denying herself happiness, but she finally did it. Ziva! Of all people to accept something like that. You'd think it'd be Ziva of all us that would put up a fight against it, but she just accepted it. I can't believe this all." DiNozzo finally breathed out a long breath, panting slightly from not taking in oxygen for so long. Gibbs looked up to McGee who was already looking at him with a face full of confusion.

"Is that everything?" Gibbs queried while he continued writing. Tony thought for a few seconds.

"Yeah, I think so." DiNozzo started typing at his computer again, acting as if _that_ hadn't just happened. McGee was looking between them both to try and make sense that nothing was said about it. In the end, he just shook his head and went back to work.

* * *

DiNozzo had gone straight to Ziva's from work, while everyone else had gone home to get changed first. He decided he'd use the excuse of 'I thought you might like some help', when in reality, he just wanted to talk to her. Ever since the 'incident', he'd tried to distance himself from her so she could focus on recovering, which meant he'd barely spoken to her. Tony knocked on the door.

"You're a bit early, aren't you?" Ziva smiled playfully as she gestured for him to come in.

"Hello to you as well." He handed her a bottle of wine as he walked past her to the living room. "I thought you might like some help." He smiled sincerely.

"You can cut that baguette up if you want." She pointed to the kitchen.

"As you wish, madam." Tony got up and saluted, over-exaggerating slightly. Tony got on with slicing the baguette, while Ziva started cooking the spaghetti.

"Your psychiatrist sounds really nice from what Ducky's told me." DiNozzo tried to casually bring up what he wanted to talk about.

"He was right, she's unlike any other. You know how they usually are; over-analysing everything you say or do, trying to get you to think things that you don't need to. She's different though."

"Well, I'm glad you've finally found one that works for you." He looked over to her and smiled. A few moments passed in silence until Tony blurted something out.

"Would you have gone through with your plan if I hadn't found out?" He regretted what he'd said the moment it came out of his mouth. "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to ask such a question."

"No, it's fine. It was something that happened, and I'm fine to talk about it." Tony glanced to the side, proud at how open she was to talk about it.

"Are you sure? We don't have to. Just forget I ever asked." Tony continued slicing the bread.

"It's fine. I'm not sure whether I would have ended my life that night. For about a week or so, all I could think about was how easy it would be to just not live anymore. That night, I lost my mind. I didn't know what to do or who to turn to. All I know is that I'm so glad it was _you_ who turned up." She stopped stirring the spaghetti and hugged him as tight as she could.

"Thank you for saving my life..." She whispered into his chest. The apartment fell silent until someone knocked the door. Ziva walked over and opened it, revealing the whole team.

"Come in!" They all walked in, and the night began.

* * *

"Ziva, that was the best spaghetti bolognese I've ever had!" McGee stated as he finished wiping his mouth. A chorus of voices could be heard mumbling that they enjoyed it as well and how good it tasted.

"Thank you, everyone." She chuckled.

"I know only Tony read my letter, but part of what I wrote was true. You are all incredible people. I really do cherish the time that I've spent with you and I'm so glad I got the honour of meeting you all. Ducky; you taught me how to make a perfect cup of tea." Dr Mallard nodded his head towards her, smiling. "Abby; you proved to me how important friendship is." She grinned and started clapping her hands in happiness. "Palmer; you taught me that I should think before I say." Jimmy blushed slightly, thinking to all the clumsy things he'd said over the years. "McGee; you taught me how to hack into any network." Tim winked at her. "Gibbs; well, you've taught me _lots_ of rules." Everyone laughed at how true that was. "Tony; you've taught me many different movie quotes." They all laughed as Tony blushed. "Each of you have shaped me as person, which sounds so cliché, but it's true. Before I joined NCIS, I had nobody. Now, I have a family and I am eternally grateful for that." Everyone smiled silently until DiNozzo raised his glass.

"Cheers to Ziva David and Team Gibbs!" Everyone's glasses clinked together as they each took a moment to appreciate each other.

* * *

Tony and Ziva had just finished washing up. Everyone had left about an hour ago, and Tony had insisted that he help tidy up.

"Right, I better get going." DiNozzo stretched, and Ziva handed him his suit jacket. She opened the door and he stopped in the doorway.

"You don't need to thank me for saving your life. You're my partner; I'll always have your six." He flipped his suit jacket over his shoulder and walked down the hallway. Ziva watched him walk away, a smile on her face the whole time.

"And I love you, so that kind of effects my actions towards you as well." Tony mumbled to himself. He pressed the button for the lift.

"Did you just say something?" Ziva shouted from her door. He turned his head towards her.

"Nope, sweetcheeks." He answered, getting into the lift.

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